Pounding headache. Aaaagh!

Indecision

I either need to find a new apt here in Dodge (which would most likely require at LEAST a six month lease, or I need to quit my job and move back to my motherland. I finally got kind of excited about staying here since I was planning on taking classes next semester at the community college here, etc. But now my living situation is in need of immediate attention.

So here is my game plan. I will speak to my boss about getting out of work for about four hours a week to take a class that I really want to take. If she grants me my request, I will stay here and figure something out for living. If she denies me, I will give my two weeks notice and go on my merry way.

I have tried praying a lot about this. I can't seem to get an answer that way. I either am not praying hard enough or it may just be a decision I need to make on my own. I will continue praying about it, but I will study it out in my mind a tad more first. So here is a pro and con list of moving to Emporia versus staying in Dodge.

Pros of moving to Emporia

1. A rent-free living situation - only paying utilities.
2. Being around my sister and closer to other members of my family.
3. Getting away from some members of my family I don't get along with as well.
4. Being around a lot more people I know and love.
5. Trees.
6. Having my own furniture - not using someone else's or buying anything new.
7. Being around the beautiful cat Thumper in the twilight of his life.
8. Option to go back to ESU sooner than anticipated - I always planned on going back eventually.
9. Tap water that doesn't taste like rocks and chlorine.
10. The comfort of being in my home town.

Cons of moving back to Emporia

1. Necessity of quitting my job and trying to find a new one.
2. Going back on my promise to the Dodge community college professors that I would attend their classes and join their choirs.
3. Leaving my awesome Sunday school class which although unruly, I love to death.
4. A feeling of failure of having not completed something I began.
5. The social stigma resulting from having skipped town and apparently accomplishing nothing.
6. Admitting to myself and others openly that coming out here was a mistake.
7. Living in a run-down house that will probably require lots of work to maintain let alone fix.
8. Possibly have to accept an even lower paying job than I already have that I might hate.
9. Giving up the enjoyment of experiencing my raise in pay I will get in January.
10. Leaving all the people here that are nice enough to be acceptable.

This list isn't necessarily comprehensive. I also noticed that I had a harder time thinking of cons for moving back to Emporia, but the cons carried a lot more weight than the pros. So I am again at an impasse.

moving up in the world?

I'm getting a fifty cent raise! Considering I don't make crap anyway, this is good news. I took some proficiency test that I can use in place of a real education. I was pretty excited because I called down this morning and apparently I passed with 97%. Woot!

The Brave Little Toaster is amazing!

Oh gosh, there is cherry cheesecake on today's lunch menu. Maybe If I only eat one meal today . . .

I really hate my before/after school babysitting gig. It blows. If I didn't need the money so badly, I would totally quit. I must make sure I charge the full amount of minutes I worked though. I will counting those to the dot.

I stayed up Way Too Late last night and am consequently really tired. Why do I do this to myself?

I began tonight what will now become a long troublesome journey to get myself in shape. I jogged out in the freezing weather until I was drooling in exhaustion and did some various aerobic exercises in the living room. I'm also working my way out of debt slowly but surely and hopefully I will be totally free in a relatively short period of time. I read a totally awesome address that the late Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin gave about debt some four years ago. Back when if I would have heeded his counsel, I would be a lot happier and accomplished at this point in my life. My favorite quote from his talk is definitely this:

Remember this: debt is a form of bondage. It is a financial termite. When we make purchases on credit, they give us only an illusion of prosperity. We think we own things, but the reality is, our things own us.

I have been fooling myself into thinking that my only major fault is with over indulging in my eating and laziness habits. I stopped using my credit cards quite some time ago, but I have been stupidly dodging the responsibility of paying back the damages I amassed. The longer I waited and procrastinated the day of my repentance, the harder and more damaging the effects were with interest and whatnot.

I can't help but see the connection between my financial irresponsibility and not taking care of my body. Now that I am finally on the road to freedom money-wise, I am much more motivated in terms of getting control of my physical debilitation. Just like I kept on consuming when I wasn't paying off the damage with money, I have been consuming food without working off the damages with exercise. Unfortunately, this habit of overeating has basically been lifelong and will be much harder to overcome since I am addicted to eating. And harder yet still since I have to eat to live and must learn moderation.

This epiphany I have had will in turn affect my spiritual life, and already has, since all things are spiritual. Working off the debt of my finances, the debt of my gut, and the debt of my pride will be the best journey of my life as yet. It's too bad I have to learn a lot of things the hard way, but in time I am determined that these weaknesses of mine will become my strengths; instead of being a burden to the Lord I can be an asset to building His kingdom.

I decided to take up crocheting. My first creation: a purple fetus. My next goal is a scarf.