So, I am not going to Lawrence for the summer. At least not longer than a week or so. There are a great number of reasons why I have come to this conclusion. One reason is that I have some church obligations here that I shouldn't turn my back on. Another is my sister Rachel is coming home from her mission in Texas next week, and I am anxious to spend time with her. Also, the main reason I was leaving anyway was to get away from all the dramatic problems of Emporia.
About these dramatic problems. And man oh man, are they dramatic. I used to have this uncontrollable anger everytime I saw talked to or thought about my ex-roommate. She hurt me pretty badly when I found out that what I thought was our friendship was a big web of lies on her part. More details can be found in this post at my old blog site that I only wrote in to rant about people I couldn't stand. Keep in mind that I was still a very angry person when I wrote this.
http://my.opera.com/nannergirl/blog/Now that I am not in close proximity to her very often, my anger has dissapated. I no longer have violent thoughts everytime something reminds me of her. I would like to think that I have pretty much forgiven her for all the crap she put me through. Of course, that doesn't mean I want to be friends with her. I still think she's ridiculous. Even more so now that she is acting in a totally fake manner whenever she is around people. A wise girl once said that she chooses her friends because she sees a good quality in them that she admires and would like to aspire to. I'm pretty sure that's a good philosophy. My ex-roommate has no apparent qualities that I admire. When I see her, all I can see is someone with way more problems with me, and the only reason I would want to associate with her is out of politeness. Or perhaps out of pity, but that ship has long since sailed. I don't have much compassion left for her. She sucked it all out of me. I spent too many nights staying up with her letting her cry on my shoulder and then finding out it was all rubbish for me to feel compassion for her. I sometimes feel sort of bad for her because I think she may have Borderline Personality Disorder. But then again, I'm a firm believer that many people use mental illnesses as an excuse for ridiculous behavior. Not all people with these illnesses for sure, but many. I also feel bad for her in the sense that sometimes I think certain people are using her, and I don't think she's socially adept enough to figure it out.
Now, I am sure that this roommate business has long since been an old annoying one, but I had to write about it again just for closure. I'm getting it out of my system so I can move on with my life better. Plus, I had opened my old blog and realized that the only post on there was one from when I was totally rage filled. I had to add another that rectified that matter.
Peace out.
